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field camp

feels like i haven't been here in ages. i'm fine btw.

i'm back from my second field camp now. we were supposed to set up an ambush, but we were the ones who got ambushed by the swarms of mosquitoes and angry red ants. itchin like crazy now. got one last field camp on monday. it's the big one on tekong and i am personally not looking forward to it at all, though i wouldn't mind meeting one of my sergeants back there. it probably won't happen.

bmt felt like a lifetime trapped in tekong but this course really flashed by. it sucks in a way. it feels like i'm just getting to know a lot of guys in my platoon and some of them are pretty cool. i don't think i'm the same person i was at bmt. i spent like 3 months there and i can't even name half my damn platoon. right now, i could call every single platoon mate by name already. i hate this aspect of life where we're always forced to move on. cos it's tough for me to bring stuff along as i do.

2 more weeks to my first real rank. can hardly wait. people already ordering uniforms with chevrons sewed on.

When it all falls down, who will take the blame?

well the shits most certainly hit the fan right now.

we knew something was amiss. everything was, as we said, way too quiet and it was only a matter of time before it all fell apart. but i never thought it would be so fast, or this big. and its not just one thing, its everything and its going to involve everyone. maybe its just part and parcel of being human, where things that go right will eventually collapse in our faces, where the people we look up to the most are never quite as perfect as we imagine them to be in our minds.

i'm feeling just about lost right now. so much going wrong already, so much more tipping over the edge into chaos. and me? well there's almost nothing that i can do. its not like the problems of the past, where you can throw money at the problem or even close one eye or better yet, close both eyes and ears and imagine the problem is gone. this is simply to big to ignore. things have gone way out of control.

and there's really nothing i can do.

and the problems are so overwhelming,

and its going to tear everything apart,

and i only hope its not going to be the end of everything.

hallo, i'm on another brief holiday from my beloved pasir laba camp.

i guess i'm well and truly settled into army life now. it's kinda repetitive. i'm just always doing similar stuff everyday, and which i have absolutely no interest in or the are lessons where i'm supposed to learn things that i don't care about. basically, i'm just serving my term. the hate's mostly all gone now, and i'm going to sleepwalk through this two years and hope they fly by as everyone seems to say. hopefully, i'm not going to fuck up majorly and protect my weekends.

the worst feeling to have in camp is still loneliness. to have so many people in your vicinity yet to feel so estranged from them. i just feel very cut off from the world sometimes. like there's nobody outside missing me which is probably true, with the exception of my family of course. times like that make me toss my phone in the cupboard, and not bother looking to see if there are any messages waiting for me. or worse yet, i call home.

i miss my civilian life muchly. and there's field camp and confinement to look forward to this week. what joy!

counting down

2 more weeks to the new sum 41 album. from whatever i've heard so far, it's gonna be whicked.

and i've just realised dave brownsound is gone. so much for racial quotas!

my mom is screaming her head off now. there's a bird in the house.

ooh ooh fear the bird. it is the right hand of satan. it has come to take our souls.

isn't it a drag?

well im leaving home now. it's been a great weekend but my time's come. i'm sick of whining how horrible army is, and how it's killing me. there are people out there with more shit to deal with. there are people in the past who've dealt with shit i cannot even dream of. so i'm going to close the lid on this topic. i'm just going to finish these two years and be done with the damn thing once and for all. it's not so bad anyway, the people in my section have already been upgraded in my life from acquaintances to friends so i guess everything's gonna be okay.

and speaking of the weekend. haha i went out clubbing with my friends, my brother, his friends and my cousin. not bad really, so many people. we were actually supposed to go to my other cousin's party at butter factory but we all got bounced. i just feel happy spending time with all the people that mean alot to me now. and makes me wish even more i could spend even more time with them.

time's so fucking precious now. i'd give everything i have for more time.