dingss.wordpress.com

field camp

feels like i haven't been here in ages. i'm fine btw.

i'm back from my second field camp now. we were supposed to set up an ambush, but we were the ones who got ambushed by the swarms of mosquitoes and angry red ants. itchin like crazy now. got one last field camp on monday. it's the big one on tekong and i am personally not looking forward to it at all, though i wouldn't mind meeting one of my sergeants back there. it probably won't happen.

bmt felt like a lifetime trapped in tekong but this course really flashed by. it sucks in a way. it feels like i'm just getting to know a lot of guys in my platoon and some of them are pretty cool. i don't think i'm the same person i was at bmt. i spent like 3 months there and i can't even name half my damn platoon. right now, i could call every single platoon mate by name already. i hate this aspect of life where we're always forced to move on. cos it's tough for me to bring stuff along as i do.

2 more weeks to my first real rank. can hardly wait. people already ordering uniforms with chevrons sewed on.

When it all falls down, who will take the blame?

well the shits most certainly hit the fan right now.

we knew something was amiss. everything was, as we said, way too quiet and it was only a matter of time before it all fell apart. but i never thought it would be so fast, or this big. and its not just one thing, its everything and its going to involve everyone. maybe its just part and parcel of being human, where things that go right will eventually collapse in our faces, where the people we look up to the most are never quite as perfect as we imagine them to be in our minds.

i'm feeling just about lost right now. so much going wrong already, so much more tipping over the edge into chaos. and me? well there's almost nothing that i can do. its not like the problems of the past, where you can throw money at the problem or even close one eye or better yet, close both eyes and ears and imagine the problem is gone. this is simply to big to ignore. things have gone way out of control.

and there's really nothing i can do.

and the problems are so overwhelming,

and its going to tear everything apart,

and i only hope its not going to be the end of everything.

hallo, i'm on another brief holiday from my beloved pasir laba camp.

i guess i'm well and truly settled into army life now. it's kinda repetitive. i'm just always doing similar stuff everyday, and which i have absolutely no interest in or the are lessons where i'm supposed to learn things that i don't care about. basically, i'm just serving my term. the hate's mostly all gone now, and i'm going to sleepwalk through this two years and hope they fly by as everyone seems to say. hopefully, i'm not going to fuck up majorly and protect my weekends.

the worst feeling to have in camp is still loneliness. to have so many people in your vicinity yet to feel so estranged from them. i just feel very cut off from the world sometimes. like there's nobody outside missing me which is probably true, with the exception of my family of course. times like that make me toss my phone in the cupboard, and not bother looking to see if there are any messages waiting for me. or worse yet, i call home.

i miss my civilian life muchly. and there's field camp and confinement to look forward to this week. what joy!

counting down

2 more weeks to the new sum 41 album. from whatever i've heard so far, it's gonna be whicked.

and i've just realised dave brownsound is gone. so much for racial quotas!

my mom is screaming her head off now. there's a bird in the house.

ooh ooh fear the bird. it is the right hand of satan. it has come to take our souls.

isn't it a drag?

well im leaving home now. it's been a great weekend but my time's come. i'm sick of whining how horrible army is, and how it's killing me. there are people out there with more shit to deal with. there are people in the past who've dealt with shit i cannot even dream of. so i'm going to close the lid on this topic. i'm just going to finish these two years and be done with the damn thing once and for all. it's not so bad anyway, the people in my section have already been upgraded in my life from acquaintances to friends so i guess everything's gonna be okay.

and speaking of the weekend. haha i went out clubbing with my friends, my brother, his friends and my cousin. not bad really, so many people. we were actually supposed to go to my other cousin's party at butter factory but we all got bounced. i just feel happy spending time with all the people that mean alot to me now. and makes me wish even more i could spend even more time with them.

time's so fucking precious now. i'd give everything i have for more time.

there's more than meets the eye

this is only like the most awesomest movie this year. i was on the fucking edge of my seat the whole damn movie. btw, the girl is bloody hot. especially in the car scene. woo woo!

striving for greater height ):

booking in is easily the most depressing thing in my life right now.

if there's one thing being in army has taught me, (cliche ahead) its really how precious my freedom is. there's literally like a million things that i'd like to do with my life right now that i tragically have absolutely no time to do. army has just completely eaten up my life. i feel like such a fucking zombie in there. i wouldn't know how everyone else feels, but i find myself in this almost emotionless state alot. just listen to instructions, urghh, follow instructions. supposed to go somewhere, urghh, just go wherever i'm supposed to go. but at night, i really miss everything outside so damn much. i've barely been inside 3 months and it's been a fucking eternity for me. i can't stand the lack of freedom and the way everything is done inside is just completely not for me.

on the bright side, i've made some friends already. my sections pretty okay, although i'm taking some time warming up to them. some of my old section mates from bmtc are fucking lucky. they have like 5 people from my old platoon with them. that's like a fucking party. fuck, my old buddy justin's section has like a ton of my good friends from bmt la. anyway, they're treating us a bit more like humans here and even constantly remind us we aren't recruits anymore. i find that damn cute, and amusing too.

i'm so tired of everything already. i just hope this week passes by quickly.

is it any wonder why i love her?

she rocks so hard

Suffer in silence, plus extra confinement

ah shit, i'm a spec

POP LO

wah fuck this is a bit late, but never mind.

bmt is finally over. i'm officially private ryan now! whee. i'm lazy to blog, and i don't have much to say about the parade, except that i fucked up one part muchly. the euphoria was also pretty much short-lived for me. don't think there's really much to look forward to after the block leave.

this is a PROMISE

i fucking swear i will blog tmrw

haha, a kestrel. cute.

let's go to the fair

last night, i was hanging around with po3y before meeting jingwen for supper. finding myself with a little too much time on my hands, i followed po3y back to bishan so i could stone around at macs. then, we saw the carnival at the open space next to the bus interchange. now, most of the carnivals or fairs that i've come across in singapore just stink. they normally have like one ferris wheel and that's about it. but this one had way way more than just a ferris wheel. there were like twenty or so assorted rides including one mean looking inverter.

we, being the curious souls that we are, walked over to check the fair out. it was honestly quite well done, and you almost feel that you're inside escape theme park rather than the open space in bishan. but we couldn't help feeling a twinge of sadness because for all the rides and games that they had, the carnival was deserted. i remember mentioning to po3y that the experience would have been a lot more interesting if the place was packed shoulder to shoulder with people. we decided to give the sad people operating the place some business and tried a few games. the rates there are to say the least, exorbitant. everything costs a multiple of 2.50 and the big rides themselves 10 bucks. craaaaazy..

anyway, i won a red elephant and wowed po3y with my skill with a rifle. po3y blew like ten bucks and won himself some stickers. yay! but all the same, we still left feeling a bit sad for the people who choose a harder path in life. they're here to bring life, and instead they're just losing tons of money.

you know what always brings a bemused smile to my face?

people telling me they 'found' my blog. my blog has always been open, and its address has ALWAYS and i mean ALWAYS been on my msn nick. you can still see someones tag on my tagboard on the right. haha but she's not the only one la so don't laugh at her. my cousin is another one. after i changed to blogspot a few weeks ago, he messaged me smth along the lines of 'omg you have a blog'. and i'm like 'omg you didn't know? i've always had one'. it doesnt mean that just because i wasn't using blogspot i don't have a blog.

FUCK YEAH 24KM IS OVER!

you have no idea how bloody happy i am that its finally over. i've been dreading the march for the past week. it didn't how near pop was, as long as the route march lay on the horizon, there was always going to be dread in my heart. but now, its over. and honestly, it was actually more than bearable compared to some of the other marches. maybe i'm just saying that in hindsight, but right now it seemed pretty okay. i was abit wasted by the 12km mark, but after dinner and an hours rest, i found the march back to camp alright.

fuck man, i will never forget the moment when it ended. marching back into the parade square, screaming the victory song and all the while bathed in the warm orange floodlights which made the whole scene so surreal. i remember standing there as the light drizzle soaked our uniforms, the ominous flashes of lightning and the thunder that rumbled overhead, i remember standing there with my buddy grinning like idiots, i remember standing there as my pc marched up and down the line screaming at us, i remember being flooded my feelings of overwhelming relief and euphoria. i will remember the brutal 10 hours, but i will never forget the instance when it ended.

i think the march has easily been one of the toughest periods in my life. but i've conquered it, and i'm proud of myself.

Finally something worth any listening to this year

Sum 41 - Underclass Hero

1..2..3..4

Well I won’t be caught living in a dead end job
Afraid to a government content cause
No sense against them
We’re here to represent
And stare right in the face of the establishment.

And I wanna believe (Well you’re frankly nothing)
Stand on my own (A little sympathy)
Wasting the youth (I’m feeling young and useless)
Speak for yourself (Some blindfolded cause)

Well because we're doing fine
And we don't need to be told
That we're doing fine
Cause we won't give you control
And we don't need anything from you
Cause we'll be just fineAnd we won't be bought and sold
Just like you

(A call crossing in the crowd)

Calling out loud with no respect
I’m not the one, just another reject
I’m the voice you affect
I’ll lose and protect
I saw your up against the great America we’ll rise again

Now if this is the time(I see a place, we’re nowhere)
Burning the flag (Another generation)
Everyone see (You’re in the wrong, no future)
Down with the mass (You better listen now)

Well because we're doing fine
And we don't need to be told
That we're doing fine
Cause we won't give you control
And we don't need anything from you
Cause we'll be just fine
And we won't be bought and sold
Just like you

May I have your attention please…
I pledge allegiance to the underclass as your hero at large.

1..2..3..4

We’re the saints of degeneration
We don’t owe anyone an explanation
The leaders
We don’t need this
We’re the leaders of disarray

Well because we're doing fine
And we don't need to be told
That we're doing fine
Cause we won't give you control
And we don't need anything from you
Cause we'll be just fine
And we won't be bought and sold
Just like you

do you know what's weird?

bonks and i have a sort of related history in blogging. for the most part of my blogging life, he has been my host, or at least he could always find me a host. his latest domain as you might recall was f2o.org which shut the door on us recently and left us in a state of blogging limbo. then, in a matter of weeks and without consulting each other, we emerge from our imposed hiatuses (or hiatii?) with new blogspot accounts. mine as you might read from above is dingss.blogspot.com and his was bonkss.blogspot.com. and the feeling when we found out about each others new blog was what the fuck? to raise the weird meter a notch higher, we both even made a second blog dingsss and bonksss respectively. life always seems to throw such weird little coincidences at people, and it never fails to amuse me.

cheers from tekong! it's been a fucking long time.

i don't really know why i'm here now. i was intending to lie on my bed and read the shining until i pass out. anyway, the point is i'm back at the keyboard again which feels good. i'm not sure if this is a temporary measure until i work things out with bonks, or if i'm really taking up permanent residence at blogspot. up until 5 minutes ago i was actually trawling blogskins looking for something nice to put here but knowing me well enough, i gave up. with any luck, i can try for a new host with bonks or maybe even try get my own domain (with my new debit card, heh heh).

by the way, i'm not starting this to chronicle my army experience. mostly because i will probably get charged if i did. it's more of a having-too-many-serious-thoughts-in-my-head kind of thing. anyway, i've been in the army for about 6 weeks now and my bmt is almost over. i don't know whether to be happy that its ending soon, because there's only worse to come. i can't imagine what worse to come might possibly mean, seeing that i'm already fucking shagged now cos my 16km march just ended. anyway, this post isn't about army stories cos for one, it will bore the pants off most of you since that's all you hear from army boys. secondly, army stories are better heard and not read.

i think army on the whole has been okay la. the best part about army are my section mates without whom i could never have lasted this long. they almost make me wish i was in a mono-intake, then we could be men together for the rest of our time in army. firstly, there's justin my bed buddy who's a fucking giant and does almost all the heavy lifting for the both of us. and he never complains that i make him do most of the work either. then there's the constant bickering and exchange insults between the both of us that brightens each day and makes it almost bearable. i will never forget the 'eh the ezlink not enough space to print your name's, or the 'also no space to put your fat face's, or the 'and justin turns gay men back straight's. suffice to say, he's been my best friend in army so far. of course, the rest of my section are there for each other too. we might not all be from the same school or background, but we've bonded so far and almost to the point of taking a bullet for one another. and i thank my lucky stars there are no cocks around, except perhaps my section i/c who's actually only mildly annoying so he doesn't really count as a saboh king.

the toughest part will always be the lifestyle. i am, and will always be the dedicated sloth that i am. army can force me to adapt to another lifestyle, but it can never truly change the spirit of the sloth that resides within me. the complete withdrawal of all your privileges, the lack of any freedoms whatsoever can almost choke a person. you are effectively reduced to nothing in bmt, or as our officers affectionately call us 'scum of the earth'. you have no rights, no power, nothing. you want to shit, you damn well ask for permission. want to breathe, damn well better ask for permission as well. the initial change, i admit, stunned me quite a bit. the feeling of being reduced to less than nothing depressed me quite a bit and i spent several sleepless nights dealing with it. eventually, i finally accepted what i was and what lay in store for me. i take each day as it comes and though i might not be die-die-chionging for command school type, i try my best and see where i wash up. that's been my motto in life so far, just riding my luck and i won't be the last to admit that i've been lucky.

two years seems like a very long time indeed. there's a lot more than i have to say, but times a wasting. going out to lunch with my family now. aunt and uncle are upping and moving to china where my uncle's new job is. once again, everything seems to be changing and i will always be the one who tries to resist or perhaps even deny the changes that are happening all around.